What the Heck is an Uke?
by Angel of the Axis
Summary: Aged up, AU. When the girls of South Park High School create a perfume that makes the boys crazy for each other, everything seems fine at first. But the 'dominants' of the relationships begin to get more and more possessive, and that forces the 'ukes' to go to the girls and demand a cure! How will this all work out? Full summary inside. Rated for language and future sexual themes.
1. Chapter 1: Dr Mephesto's Perfume

**A/N: Hey, guys, and welcome to my newest South Park slash story! Now I know about a few factors of this being out of canon (like Pip being dead, Greg and Chris not being there), but you'll have to bear with me. I really hope to finish this before May, but we'll see!**

 **DISCLAIMER: NEITHER SOUTH PARK NOR ALL OF ITS CHARACTERS BELONG TO ME. SOUTH PARK (AND ALL CHARACTERS INVOLVED) BELONG TO TREY PARKER AND MATT STONE.**

 _ **Full Summary:**_

 _ **AU. Senior year had come, and with it, some surprising twists. Suddenly, the girls of South Park High School weren't interested in gaining the attention of the male population anymore; in fact, they were interested in shipping them! When a spell goes awry, the males of South Park are left feeling affection for one another - everything seems fine until the 'dominates' of the relationships begin getting possessive, leaving their 'ukes' no choice but to beg the girls to reverse it. How can they fix this?**_

 **Pairings: Style, Stendy, Tyde, Heiman, Revin, Bunny, Dip, Gregstophe, etc.**

 **Please don't panic, yaoi fans, because you see Stendy as one of the ships! I promise you, it will not take center stage. It will mostly be referenced Stendy and more of a friendship than a romance.**

 **I hope you guys enjoy the blatant fanservice about to happen!**

* * *

"Okay, girls!" Bebe called, smacking the gavel. "Our first official High School Slash meeting has begun!"

"Um, what exactly are we doing with this?" Annie asked, folding her arms.

"We, my dear Annie," Bebe replied with a smirk, beginning a powerpoint on the screen behind her, "are getting the boys together! It'll be the ultimate Operation Ship!"

"Oooooh," the girls gasped as different pairings flashed on-screen.

"They're so cute!" "I totally ship Craig and Tweek," "Oh my gosh, I can't wait-!"

"Ahem, ladies!" Bebe smacked the gavel again, waiting until the room was totally quiet before continuing. "As I was saying, this will be the ultimate Operation Ship, and as such, we need to treat this seriously."

"Wendy and I have talked to Dr. Mephesto, and he agreed to do an experiment for us." She gestured to the noirette, who just nodded. "What we need to do is spray this bottle of perfume in the ventilation shafts, and we'll have our results within ten minutes!"

One girl rose her hand in the air. "Excuse me, Bebe, but, um, how does it work, exactly?"

"Simple." She whipped out a pair of glasses from - seemingly - out of nowhere and got a pointing stick. "You see, when the perfume is sprayed, it releases hormones that deal directly with the boys. It doesn't work at all on girls or certain boys. If someone were to come into contact with it-"

"Then, once they inhale the liquid, it begins to take control of their brains," Wendy chimed in from her position against the wall. "And suddenly, their true feelings about their boy friends comes out."

"And bingo, yaoi!" Bebe squealed. "Any more questions?"

Red rose her hand. "What about boys like Kevin and Cartman? Will they be affected?"

"No." The blonde shook her head. "Even if they're near the original spot we spray, they will not be affected by the scent."

"Oh, good." Both Red and Heidi looked relieved.

"Now, any other questions?"

No other hands were raised, and so Bebe smacked the gavel one last time and said, "Meeting adjourned!"

* * *

Wendy snuck through the hallways, clutching the heart-shaped bottle close to her chest. She looked around wildly, making sure nobody was following her.

How had she been tasked with transporting the perfume to the spot agreed on beforehand? She hadn't any idea then, and she was still clueless on how she managed to get herself roped into this.

She raced through the empty hall, skidding to a stop in front of the. Taking a deep breath, she knocked twice.

The door opened after a moment, and she was greeted by Millie.

"C'mon in, hurry, hurry!" She whispered to the noirette, and just as quick as she'd been there, she was gone.

"Alright, I managed to stall the teachers, but we don't have long." She explained, taking the bottle from Wendy's trembling hands. "We have at most five minutes to empty this thing into the vents. C'mon!"

The two of them scrambled onto Mr. Mackey's desk, and began spraying violently into the vent.

"C'mon, spray faster!" Millie whispered harshly.

"Don't rush me, my fingers can't take it!" Wendy fired back, gritting her teeth as she tried to keep spraying.

Finally, Millie snatched it from her and began spraying it herself.

Thankfully, they were able to get out of there with a minute to spare, but it wasn't easy evading the hall monitors.

Wendy gasped for air as she stumbled into the girls' restroom with Millie in tow.

"Thank goodness that's... done..." The noirette panted.

"Yeah." Millie laughed breathlessly. "We make a good team, Wends."

"We do." The two fist-bumped as they tried to relax.

* * *

Back in the classroom, the perfume had made its way around the school with help of the ventilation.

Stan took a deep breath and frowned, noticing something different about the air. He glanced around, trying to determine if he was smelling another girl's perfume, but the scent wouldn't go away.

Finally, his eyes came to rest on Kyle, who sat three seats away and was busy taking notes.

His cheeks began to flush as he thought of how cute he looked, with that determined expression and wrinkled nose. A strand of his hair escaped from his hat, and Stan got a dreamy smile upon his lips when the redhead brushed it away.

Kyle smelled the scent too, and when he looked up and saw Stan staring at him, his cheeks went pink and he looked away.

 _"Aw, how adorable,"_ Stan mentally cooed. He couldn't wait until class was over; he had to profess his love to Kyle.

* * *

Meanwhile, Kenny had wandered off to the bathroom and was on his way back when he smelled the perfume.

He frowned. There weren't any girls around, and none of the hall monitors would be wearing perfume or cologne strong enough for him to smell from so far away.

For some reason, it made him think of that adorable blonde that sat in front of him in Calculus.

He got a goofy grin on his face the further he thought of Butters's big blue doe eyes and his soft-looking blonde hair, not to mention his shyness. He had to have him!

He looked at his watch and noted that class ended in about five minutes. He licked his lips; if he was lucky, Butters would be his before lunch.

* * *

Craig was in the middle of a presentation when he realized something was different about the air. He took another deep breath to calm himself when he noticed Tweek in the third row.

A pink blush came over his cheeks when the blonde twitched a little, running his fingers through his messy blonde hair.

He managed to continue the presentation, even though with every passing moment his thoughts became more and more of Tweek than on whatever the hell the thirteenth president was famous for.

"Thank you, Craig, that was an excellent presentation." The teacher droned, checking him off on her list.

He walked back to his seat, next to Tweek, and glanced over at him pensively.

The blonde was nervously fidgeting with his hands, and the moment he realized Craig was staring, he turned with a look that could only be described as a deer in headlights.

Craig sent him a smirk, to which he blushed a deep red and looked down at his desk, seemingly finding the graffiti on it quite interesting.

Sooner or later, he would make the spazzing blonde his.

* * *

Token was holding hands with Clyde under the table as said brunet stared at the screen in horror. Apparently, their teacher had the _grand_ idea to show an actual surgery for class. Several of the students had left already, and a few more looked just about on the cusp of either throwing up or passing out.

Clyde's hands were trembling. He looked about ready to bolt, but Token's presence seemed to make things a little more tolerable.

He sighed, turning to his best friend. He took a breath and was about to whisper to him, but in that moment, Token glanced over at him, his dark brown eyes sending a shiver up and down his spine.

He felt his cheeks heating up and the words he was about to speak died. He was left stammering to himself until he looked away in embarrassment.

Token found it kind of cute that he had reacted that way...

... wait, cute? Token fought the urge to slap himself. Why would he think Clyde was cute? He was his best friend, and he knew that he was definitely not down to date him.

... or was he?

Token looked again, and this time he felt his own cheeks burst flame at the expression on the brunet's face. He looked as if he were dying to say something, chewing on his bottom lip and shaking his leg.

The second Clyde looked over at him again, shyly, he felt an urge arise from the pits of his mind.

 _Kiss him._

Slowly, he leaned forward, and Clyde closed his eyes, leaning in too. But the moment before their lips touched, the bell rang, startling them away from each other.

* * *

Pip was busy getting his stuff out of his locker when he saw Damien walking up. "Oh, hello there, Damien!"

"Hey, Pip." He nodded curtly, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Ready for that AP Calculus test?" He asked, his eyes sparkling as he held his books to his chest.

Damien didn't know what was happening, but as he slowly sucked in a breath he could've sworn Pip got... cuter.

"Um, y-yeah," he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. Dammit, what was wrong with him? He never stuttered!

"You doing okay there?" Pip cocked his head to the side, a cute pink blush dusted across his cheeks.

"Yes, I'm fine. Now let's go to math." Damien quickly swiped his hand and dragged him through the crowd of students, the blond Brit protesting all the way.

Gregory was very nearly late to AP Calculus. The moment he slid into his seat, he let out a sigh of relief when the second bell rang.

* * *

"You should be more careful about getting sidetracked," Christophe casually reminded from beside him.

"Yes, yes, I know," the blond nodded absentmindedly. Suddenly, he sniffed the air. "Do you..."

"Smell that? Yes." The brunet's fingers twitched. "I thought it was some girl's rank perfume, but I've been smelling it since the last class got out."

"Hmm." Gregory's cold blue eyes narrowed, his handsome face twisted into a frown as he cupped his chin with one hand. He glanced over at Christophe, only to find him staring. "Something on your mind, friend?"

Christophe seemed to flinch at that question, and instead looked away with an angry red flush on his cheeks. "No," he grumbled. "Nothing is wrong."

Gregory sighed, flipping through the pages. Christophe never told him about anything personal, except if it was for a mission. He wished he would open up.

Suddenly, Christophe leaned in close. Too close. Gregory fought off the rising heat to his cheeks as the brunet's voice rumbled in his ear, "could you show me how to do the last problem?"

"T-Th-The last... ah yes," he stammered, finding the math equation with his index finger. "Here it is."

What was with him this morning? Gregory looked at him in confusion. One moment he stubbornly refuses to confide in the Brit his feelings, the next he acts almost like a lover would.

Could it be...?

Christophe's head began being filled not with math problems, but with Christophe. As much of a gentleman Gregory put himself up to be, the thoughts in his head were of a quite dirty Brit, especially the one involving his ass.

He suddenly flinched when the British student's hand brushed his, and the thought was replaced with guilt. Even though it was wrong, Gregory did have a nice ass. They'd seen each other naked before - although Christophe had protested against it - so he didn't have to use his imagination when conjuring pictures of him totally naked.

Gregory nearly slapped his own cheeks, causing Christophe to look over at him in concern. He wasn't sure what these feelings were, but he would definitely put a stop to them!

* * *

The girls were nearly squealing when math class let out, and their respective couples began congregating together in the hallways.

"Mission accomplished, ladies!" Bebe congratulated, and several of the girls began giving each other high-fives while cheering.

Wendy hung back from the group, feeling conflicted. Of course she didn't love Stan romantically anymore, but there was a sort of sting seeing him act so dopey around Kyle. She knew they had agreed to go their separate ways, but the urge to go over there and snatch him away was almost overpowering.

Was it a motherly protectiveness, or something else? Wendy firmly decided that it was nothing more than wanting the wellbeing of her ex-boyfriend.

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, as timeskip-y as it was! Please tell me how I did and what you predict will happen next! I'll see you guys later!**


	2. Chapter 2: Affected

**A/N: Mmkay, just adding all the chapters I've worked on since I began this story over at AO3. It's still on hiatus, just so you know!**

* * *

"Butters." Kenny's voice startled the blond, and when he whirled around he nearly fainted from the sight of him without his hood.

"Kenny?" He gasped out, a deep red flush appearing on his cheeks when the smiling boy leaned against the wall.

Kenny took a few moments, but he took a step toward him and leaned in close, gently taking both hands in his.

His icy blue eyes sparkled and his lips brushed against his knuckles, "I don't remember when I began to feel this way about you, but... Butters..."

"Yeah?" The blond whispered, biting his trembling lips.

"Butters, I love you." Kenny confessed, taking his chin in his fingers. "I want to be the one to love you and make you happy."

Butters was partially shocked, but his face quickly melted into a warm smile and he lunged forward in an embrace. "Oh, Kenny-! I thought you'd never feel the same way!"

"I promise, I will never hurt you." He chuckled in his ear, hugging back. "In fact, I... kinda want to kiss you."

"Please, kiss me." At his request, his lips were captured and they stood there against the wall, completely content.

"Kyle," Stan doted on the redhead as he sat eating lunch, "I have something to tell you."

"Really?" He asked, looking up while swallowing his bite of food. "What is it?"

"Well, um," Stan's blush grew more intense and he thrust a freshly-picked flower into his hands, startling him enough to drop his fork. "I-I love you, Kyle Broflovski!"

"Dude." Kyle stared at the flower, then slid his eyes up to Stan's face. "You look like you're gonna be sick."

"I am!" Stan stood, apologizing before running out of the cafeteria.

Kyle shook his head with a pink dust over his cheeks. He studied the flower with a soft smile, noting its sweet scent.

"Kyle, Kyle!" Butters came walking up to the table with Kenny in tow. He was beaming. "Guess what? Kenny and I are dating now!"

"That's great, Butters." Kyle looked up at him. Then he frowned. "Wait. What's that...?"

He pointed out a spot on the blond's neck, and a hot red blush creeped up his cheeks.

"O-Oh," he whirled around to see Kenny grinning innocently. "Kenny! I thought I told you-"

"Relax, Buttercup," he muffled through his hood, wrapping an arm around the smaller boy. "With your jacket on, they won't notice."

"Unlike you," Kyle noted, "not all of us wear our coats in school. It's August."

He simply shrugged, sitting down with Butters in his lap.

"Oh geez, I hope nobody sees it..." Butters mumbled, twiddling his thumbs.

"Don't worry." Kyle chimed in. "The only way I was able to see it was because I was close to you."

Kenny smiled to himself, burying his face into the back of Butters's neck. Said blond whimpered quietly. "K-Kenny... not, uh..."

Kyle decided he'd seen enough and stood up from the table. "I'd better go check on Stan."

He left without a word, glancing back at the two. "Please dial back the PDA a little..."

When he entered the hallway, he paused in surprise when he saw several other boys walking and talking, each looking just like Kenny and Butters.

"What the hell...?" He gaped when he saw Clyde getting a piggyback ride from Token. Said couple looked happy, even if Token seemed to be struggling a little.

Snapping out of it, he rushed to the boys' bathroom where he saw Stan standing at the sink, looking a little troubled.

"Stan, you okay?" He asked in concern, going to his side. "Do you feel sick anymore?"

"No, I'm fine, dude." The noiret shook his head and grabbed Kyle's hand, leading him out. "I think I can do this without throwing up this time."

He knelt down and took Kyle's other hand in his, gazing deep into his eyes. "I love you, Kyle Broflovski! Will you be my boyfriend?"

Kyle blushed at the confession, giving him a smile. "Sure, I'd love to."

"Thank you!" Stan gave him a goofy grin back, his face turning slightly green again.

"Stan, you're gonna-"

"I know." He excused himself again and ran back into the bathroom.

"Geez, dude, you're so dense." He whispered, wrapping his arms around himself. A happy glow came over him, and he sighed dreamily. "But I guess that's one of the things I love about you."

* * *

 **A/N: Aw, so sweet I already have cavities.**


	3. Chapter 3: Keep Tabs

"Our second High School Slash meeting is now in session, ladies!" Bebe announced, smacking the gavel. "The potion's effects... were a complete success! We did it! Our ships are canon!"

The room erupted into happy cheers.

Wendy stayed silent, arms folded across her chest.

When everyone had quieted, Bebe continued. "If everything goes according to plan, we should start seeing legit boyfriends any time soon. I know a few have already asked each other out."

"I totally saw Jimmy and Timmy working on a project together earlier!" One girl squealed. "It was so adorbs!"

"And I saw Kenny trying to hook up with Butters earlier!" Another chimed in. "So HOT!"

"And Stan!" Yet another giggled. "It's so cute seeing him try to flirt but have to run to the bathroom every-"

"Okay, we get it." Wendy suddenly snapped in an authoritative voice. "Let's move on to the next subject. Bebe?"

"Uh- yeah." Bebe looked quite startled for a moment, but amidst the grumblings she smacked the gavel again. "We have to be keeping an eye on them, though. Dr. Mephisto said that one of the side effects is extremely possessive behavior. We obviously don't want anyone to get hurt, so if any of them show signs of possessive behavior, IBS, or pregnancy, we need to reverse the dose immediately."

"How do we do that?" Annie asked, raising an eyebrow. "Didn't we give them the potion through the air?"

"The good doctor gave us these pills." Bebe showed them all a large bottle of what looked like blue-colored pills. "It only takes one to reverse the effects, but we also need to use them wisely. There is a risk of overdose, but that's only if you give them more than three at a time."

"Good, so we have a solid backup plan." Heidi said, relaxing against the back of her chair. "The question is, how will we know when they have those side effects? We can't be around them 24/7, y'know."

"Pick a partner to keep tabs with, preferably someone you're already friends with." Bebe showed them all a sheet full of names and pictures of everyone who'd allegedly been affected. "If you don't have their phone number, I'll provide it."

Wendy stared good and hard at Stan's name. To her luck, she was the first person to be able to choose.

Once everyone had chosen someone, she went on.

"I want you all to keep an eye out." Her blue eyes grew serious, "although the side effects have about a 2% chance of appearing, that's still 2% too much."

Wendy merely stared at her yearbook photo of Stan from the year before.

* * *

Pip hummed quietly as he walked down the street, holding hands with Damien.

"So, what do you want to do today?" He asked, turning to give the pale boy a big smile.

"Whatever you wish." He immediately answered, looking away so that the mortal didn't see his cheeks flush pink.

"Oh dear, righty then... well, maybe we could go to my home?" The blond suggested.

Damien nodded in agreement, and the boy smiled wider, leading him to his house.

* * *

"I'm totally gonna kick your ass, dude!" Stan exclaimed, furiously mashing buttons on his controller.

"No way, man!" Kyle replied with just as much determination. "This is the day you go down!"

The race was close.

Kyle stuck his tongue out, narrowing his eyes to concentrate.

At the mere sight of his tongue poking out between his lips, Stan lost some of his concentration and thus, Kyle pulled ahead just as they neared the finish line.

He whooped in joy, springing to his feet in victory. "Yes! In your face, Stan!"

He snapped out of it and puffed his cheeks out. "N-No! I let you win!"

"Yeah right." Kyle turned to him with a teasing grin. "Just admit it! I'm better than you at Mario Kart!"

"All right. You're better than me." Stan replied, no hostility in his voice. If anything, he seemed... content?

Kyle flopped back onto the couch, crossing his arms behind his head. "So... what do you wanna do now?"

Stan forced himself not to look at the inch of midriff that was exposed as Kyle's shirt rode up his body. "Um... I think my mom bought pizza rolls or something."

"Awesome."

He bit his lip, side-eyeing Kyle's pale skin for a few moments before standing up in a rush. "Excuse me."

* * *

Christophe grunted, chopping the cucumber quickly.

"Oh, good, you're still in here." Gregory commented as he entered the kitchen, a basket in hand. "I got some more produce for the salad."

"Tsk." Christophe kissed his teeth, blushing.

"Is everything alright?" The Brit rose an eyebrow, gently cupping Christophe's forehead with one hand. "You feel rather warm..."

"I'm fine." He dodged the hand, sending the boy a half-hearted glare.

* * *

"N-Ngh! Craig, are you su-sure about this?" Tweek asked worriedly as the boy fiddled with something.

"Positive." He replied, standing up. When he turned around, he held a guinea pig in his hands. "Tweek, you get to hold Stripe."

With that, he let his pet crawl into Tweek's cupped hands and he stepped back a bit.

Tweek froze, standing stock-still as the guinea pig sniffed around, hoping that he wasn't going to accidentally jostle his hands too much.

After a few tense moments of staring at Stripe, he twirled around and curled up in Tweek's hands, seemingly content.

Craig smiled, moving forward to sit down on his bed with Tweek. "He likes you. That's pretty rare."

"R-Really?" Tweek had such a look of surprise on his face that the noiret couldn't help but chuckle.

"If Stripe likes someone, I like someone." He wrapped an arm around the boy and pulled him closer.

* * *

 **A/N: Obligatory Stripe references. Very noice.**


End file.
